Joshua 24:14-15 – 14“Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness.
Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt,
and serve the LORD. 15But if
serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day
whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River,
or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my
household, we will serve the LORD.”
The focus of the first family article was church relationships. Part two gives attention to the believer’s home.
Changes are happening in the home.
The nucleus family is being redefined, now classified as traditional,
single-parent or mixed. Redefinition is
continuing to broaden the landscape of home life. The future of family and child
development is causing sincere concerns among professionals in the mental
health community.
Job relocations are causing the
extended family to not live in close proximity.
Many homes now exist without moral and emotional support of
grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins.
My four
children are grown and continue to have close ties with each other. They are
genuine friends and guard each other’s wellbeing. For most of their lives they
did not live near grandparents or cousins. Born in the first eleven years of
our marriage, we moved numerous times and lived in six States. Brenda and I now
live in our seventh State, close to some of our grandchildren.
My wife had a crucial role in our
children’s wholesome development. We chose to have fewer possessions so she
could stay home and provide a secure environment. She brought stability through
every move. Although workdays were often long and tedious, my schedule was
regularly filled with family and school activities.
Here are five things that
strengthen the home.
Flexibility
“Submit
to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)
The home
is in a constant flux of change, from babies, to small children, to pre-teens,
to teenagers, to young adult and beyond. Each
phase has its stresses and demands. Mixed with
the aging process are crisis times (loss of job, death of family members,
emergencies) and catastrophic times (natural disasters and accidents). Adjustment is a major activity of life. The structure of the home has to be flexible to handle
every situation.
The
Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco is built directly upon the fault zone of
the San Andreas and is built to sway some twenty feet at the center of its
one-mile suspension span. The secret to its durability is a flexibility that
enables sway but there is more. By design every part of the bridge is related
up through the vast cable system to two towers and two land anchor piers. The
towers bear most of the weight and are deeply imbedded into the rock foundation
beneath the sea. In other words, the bridge is totally preoccupied with flexibility
and foundation.
Mom and
dad are twin towers of strength, even if living apart, providing a foundation
that occasionally bends to keep the family together. A wholesome family is not designed to suffocate individual
expression and personal identity. Homes are to blend without consuming each
member. Parents need to work together and be
flexible.
Fairness
“Now as
the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in
everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave
himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:24-25)
These
verses give attention to distinctive yet equal roles in marriage. The
husband or wife can choose to be an irresponsible
passive victim. Problems need to be solved together.
A woman
from church went to a counselor to complain about her marriage. She repeatedly stated to the therapist, “He treats me like
a baby.” Finally the counselor stopped her
whining and responded, “Are you acting like one?” The wife realized she had grown comfortable being a passive
victim. She even got additional attention from others.
In my
home I could easily assess a problem, determine a solution and move to remedy.
If my wife was not assertive in the decision process
I naturally “left her in the dust.” Although
this attribute has been seen as strength in the professional world, it is not
fair to the family. Moving quickly toward
solution is not wise. Give room for the spouse to contribute to a course of
action.
Firmness
“Children,
obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right…. Fathers, do not exasperate
your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the
Lord.” (Ephesians 6:1, 4)
Parents
must be immovable with regards to morality. Not
every issue is open for debate. Standards of
morality, integrity and responsibility are non-negotiable. My wife and I
continually emphasized requirements in attire, activities and amusements.
There is no getting around the
Scripture that reads, “Avoid every kind of evil.” (1
Thessalonians 5:22) Parents often want for their child what other kids
experience yet saying “No!” to unwholesome activities only deprives them of decadence,
danger and damnation. God honors those who stand for what is right instead of popular.
Fun
“A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22)
Homes do not do well without
laughter. The family dinner should be enjoyable, holidays should be filled with
games, and outings should be great adventures.
Readers Digest published the
following story: Sunday dinners with my
mother Adah, my father Fred and my three siblings were always lively. On one
occasion all of us except my mother were in a silly mood, and we began
requesting in rhyme items at the table. “Please pass the meat, Pete.” “May I
have a potatah, Adah?” “I’d give you the
moon for a spoon.” After several minutes of this my mother had heard enough.
“Stop this nonsense right now!” she shouted. “It’s Sunday and I would like to
enjoy my dinner with some good conversation, not this silly chatter.” Then she
sat down still in a huff, turned to my father and snapped, “Pass the bread,
Fred.”
Silliness is great behavior in a
wholesome home.
Another great story reads: A
family in the East was planning a month’s vacation to the West Coast. At the
last minute the father’s work prevented him from going but mom insisted she was
capable of driving and that the family would go ahead. Dad got out the maps and
planned the route and where the family should stop each night.
A
couple weeks later, the father completed his extra work and decided to surprise
his family. He flew to a West Coast city without calling them and took a taxi
into the country on a highway that, according to his travel plan, the family
should be driving on later that day. The taxi dropped him off on the side of
the road and he waited until he saw the family car. He stuck out his thumb as a
hitchhiker. As mom and the kids drove past, they did a double take. One of the
kids said, “Hey wasn’t that Dad?” Mom screeched to a stop, backed up the car
and the family had a great reunion. Later, a reporter asked the man why he did
such a crazy thing. He responded, “After I die, I want my kids to be able to
say, ‘Dad sure was fun, wasn’t he?’”
My own father was generally quiet
and reserved. He gave the family clear direction but I mostly remember his
contagious laugh. He had a silly side that suspended tension in the home.
Fun does not have to mean expensive. Branson shows and Silver
Dollar City are great activities. The trails and scenes of the Ozark Mountains
are much less costly. Many free and inexpensive activities are available in
every part of the country.
Family fun adds a spark of
enthusiasm to life.
Faith
“As for
me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” (Joshua 24:15)
Family
devotions and prayer have an important role in strengthening the family.
If Jesus is number one in your life, He should naturally be number one in your
home. The issue cannot be sidestepped nor minimized. Homes reflect the faith of
every member.
Faithfulness to church is another
critical activity. Everyone, regardless of age,
should be involved in the cause of Christ. In
a healthy relationship with God ministry is not optional.
Children
can contribute in various ministry activities. A “sittin in the pew” kid
struggles staying connected to the church later in life. They develop a mindset that the church should be providing
for their spiritual obesity. Every age should be active in the church, keeping it
spiritually vibrant and alive. Children are
not the church of the future but the life source of today.
When it
comes to church, make it happen
instead of expect it to happen.
The church is the only vehicle God has provided to
announce salvation from sin. It is far better to contribute to its
success than to criticize it.
Five things should be woven into
the fabric of the family: flexibility
in structure, fairness in rules, firmness in morality, fun
in relationships and faith in God. Be imitators of God and walk in love.
Ten Commandments for the home
1.
Acknowledge that your child is a gift from God.
2.
Dedicate your child to the Lord and His service.
3.
Make a personal commitment to God to be a godly parent.
4.
Identify your values and convey them consistently in
your behavior.
5.
Express to your children love and acceptance.
6.
View discipline as the ongoing process of helping
children develop good habits.
7.
Pray daily for each member of your family.
8.
Maintain family worship and Bible study in your home.
9.
Involve all family members in church activities.
10. Participate in church events that help establish
followers of Jesus.
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