REALISM

One of the odd irregularities of believing in Christ is that the greatest realist in history was turned into the greatest idealist. Jesus’ realism was so amazing that believers did not know what to do with it. They knew they had to act on it or reject it but could not bring themselves to do either, so they found a way to do both. They learned a way to abide in Christ and continue in the old manner of living. He was made into an ideal; something that would be lived someday but not now. They satisfied a sense of loyalty to a higher calling while living in the realm of lower standards. Jesus was put on a cross of irrelevance for today but of significance for tomorrow.

Many have adopted abiding with Christ as an ideal, something beyond this life, operative now only in small ways. The result? Abundant life is limited and marginalized.

What is misunderstood is that this idealism is nothing more than concealed materialism; the present becomes divorced from the future. Abiding in Christ is relegated to a future hope and thought spiritual, while daily living remains present and controlled by the material.

Jesus was incredibly real, but people have made faith in him an ideal. When he said to love your neighbor as yourself, most made this a future goal, an ideal. But Jesus meant it to be real, to live like this now. He was telling us this is the only way that life will really work. If our lifestyle remains self-centered, we are committing collective and individual suicide, and the world falls apart from our failure to live out this truth. Sincere love for others can only begin with those who first love the God of sacrificial love.

Jesus also said we are to lose ourselves to find ourselves. This is not idealism; it is realism, one of the basics of real life. When we lose ourselves, abiding in Christ merges the present with the future and becomes realistic. Until believers humble themselves, the realism others must see is only idealized, and the world grows increasingly chaotic. The time is past due for lovers of God to live in real faith. He merged the present with the future and abiding in Christ demands we do the same.

“Lord, save us from any misguided ideals about faith that act like heroin, distorting reality and causing us to evade truth and responsibility.”

GIVE ME!

Matthew 14:1–11 (ESV): At that time Herod the tetrarch heard about the fame of Jesus, and he said to his servants, “This is John the Baptist. He has been raised from the dead; that is why these miraculous powers are at work in him.” For Herod had seized John and bound him and put him in prison for the sake of Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife, because John had been saying to him, “It is not lawful for you to have her.” And though he wanted to put him to death, he feared the people, because they held him to be a prophet. But when Herod’s birthday came, the daughter of Herodias danced before the company and pleased Herod, so that he promised with an oath to give her whatever she might ask. Prompted by her mother, she said, “Give me (emphasis mine) the head of John the Baptist here on a platter.” And the king was sorry, but because of his oaths and his guests, he commanded it to be given. He sent and had John beheaded in the prison, and his head was brought on a platter and given to the girl, and she brought it to her mother. 

Luke 15:11–20 (ESV): And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me (emphasis mine) the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything. “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ And he arose and came to his father.

Allow me to share a story before delving into some reflections on these two passages of Scripture.

My wife and I wanted to establish a new church on the west side of a city where my denomination had not formed a congregation. Among other things, this included being a bi-vocational minister.

I was a substitute teacher at a local high school and befriended the vice-principle who was the athletic director. He discovered I had previously coached boys’ basketball.

Occasionally, the athletic director and I would golf together. While on a golf course one day, he asked if I would consider coaching a girls’ volleyball team? My oldest son played high school basketball in a northwest suburb of Chicago and my youngest son played volleyball at the same school. (I also had played both sports in my teen years.) Yet, I had never coached girls and was apprehensive. I agreed to attend an upcoming girls’ volleyball match and then decide. Watching the game, I noticed the girls were just as athletic and aggressive as my son’s volleyball team. The only difference was when the girls lost the match they cried; I had never seen boys cry when they lost. (“There’s no crying in [volleyball]!”; the movie, “A league of their own”)

When discussing with my wife his invitation to coach, she responded, “Well, you love the sport; think about it.” When I asked my two daughters what they thought about me coaching a girls’ team, my youngest daughter responded, “Dad, you raised two daughters. You can deal with a bunch of teenage girls.” With personal reservations, I told the athletic director I would give it a try.

Our two daughters

The first season was a nightmare, but the problem was with me. I used every tactic that helped turn boys’ basketball players into winning teams; the same tactics were a disaster in girls’ volleyball. By good fortune rather than by skillful coaching, the first season ended with the team winning more than half of their matches and the athletic director wanted me to continue coaching. I seriously doubted that I was cut out to coach girls.

During the off-season, I came across an article in a coaching magazine, written by a female coach, about effectively coaching girls. I studied every concept, revamped my methodology, and prepared for the next season. The team in the second season played 28 matches and won 25. Of the 3 they lost, the match went into the tiebreaking set and they only lost by a couple of points. The girls ended the season by winning the championship.

Championship Team 

One major difference in coaching boys and girls is that girls have a natural drive to please those they deeply admire, while boys primarily seek to promote themselves. Girls respond best when affirmed; boys respond best by ego-challenging criticism. When the boys messed up, I was direct and intense. I was brutally honest about their horrible execution of plays, and their minds quickly got back in the game. When the girls under-performed, I became subdued and silent. They knew they had disappointed me and wanted to regain my trust and respect. They made the necessary mental adjustments, intensified their efforts on the court, and achieved success. At a team meeting one day, a player said, “Coach, we hated it when you got quiet on the sidelines; we knew the practices were going to be harder the following week.” Both approaches got the needed results but were accomplished by utilizing their core genetic makeup. Girls are highly motivated but from a different focus and mindset.

The passages of Scripture in this blog are about two prodigals – a prodigal daughter and a prodigal son. Like all prodigals, they sought the same thing: “give me!” The focus of any prodigal is always themselves; “self” is the idol of choice.

Is it wrong to want to gain and acquire something personally beneficial? No! Yet in the prayer Jesus taught his disciples, he states that the correct posture is “give us”; others are to share in the blessings from those things given.

Prodigals, infatuated with greed, are only satisfied when the cost impacts others. Their joy is a joy of personal advantage, no matter the harm inflicted on others, even good and generous people. Their joy is a sick joy – wanting the head of a great person, even though they dislike the sight of it on a platter in front of them. Their joy is a sad joy – taking advantage of a benevolent person so they can live in debauchery. Prodigals are ruthless about achieving their selfish desires, and, to them, cruelty is a major part of the satisfaction.

Did the daughter really want a messy decapitated head on a tray? No, she wanted to attain greater admiration from her wicked mother. Did the son really want some nasty, smelly slop in a pig pen? No, he wanted to gain the entitlements of his righteous father. Yet a grotesque head and a gnawing stomach are the results of seeking self-centered admiration and chasing glory-seeking promotion.

Being raised by a bad mother, the prodigal daughter never recognized the poor condition of her heart. Being raised by a good father, the prodigal son turned around and went home. Prodigals have a choice if awakened about the truth of their aspirations. Yet, to bring them back to their senses something or someone must rouse them. Could that someone be you?

“Lord, prevent us from bowing to the idol of self and help us to live with right and true ambitions. Then may others benefit from the abundant blessings you give. Also, Lord, give us the courage to show the prodigals the road home, the way of real joy.”

What on earth is goin' on?

One of the recurring questions on the lips of people today is “What on earth is goin’ on?” The question can be examined through many lenses. Here is a perspective for you to ponder.

Grand Hotel, Mackinac Island

Studies of civilizations show a recurring pattern: no country has been able to sustain its fame. The great empires and nations of antiquity in Europe, the Near East, the Middle East, and North Africa had a tipping point often in their second century, a time in which the United States finds herself. These civilizations saw their prominence reduced by inward flaws instead of outside invasions. Has America come to its tipping point, and, if so, when did it start?

A society’s ascent to greatness is recognized for bonding, sacrifice, and stability. Included are periods of conflict that help clarify basic tenets rather than collapse the underlying culture. After a tipping point, the years of descent become known for demands, clashes, and chaos. The conflicts convert into animosity and contempt, designed for ruin.

My hope has always been for the United States to break the cycle, that her national constitution, rooted in equality and justice for everyone, and her dependence on the one True God, would show the world a better option. As a country whose pledge is “under God” and whose currency is “in God we trust”, I hoped other nations would witness a society continually moving upward, instead of eventually heading downward. What is presently occurring makes me wonder if the established cycle of history is still intact.

If this nation has reached the tipping point when was it? Did it just happen, or did it take place in an earlier period? Tipping points normally occur earlier and are identified after the consequences surface. Current events look more like the outcome of an earlier decision, a possible tipping point for this nation.

The slide downward may have started in 1968 with the unveiling of the “Me Generation” – rooted in rebellion, selfishness, arrogance, and greed. The values and standards of the United States changed drastically. The days of bonding, sacrifice, and stability were challenged by demands, clashes, and chaos. And the seeds of demands, clashes, and chaos planted in the ‘60s could be what is now blossoming, boosted with composts of ruthless brutality.

What spurred on the change? In the late ‘60s and early ‘70s, the campuses of leading Universities and Colleges chose to establish the study of humanity upon the bedrock of intolerant and assertive liberalism – the notion that a select class can better rule all the lower classes, that only the arrogant and egotistical can manage the wellbeing of the humble and chaste. The generations schooled in this model of learning were indoctrinated more than instructed.

Research reveals changed beliefs and practices takes generations, not just years, to implement. What is being witnessed today are three generations schooled in a train of thought conflicting with the nation’s earlier moorings.

The hatred currently being expressed throughout the land was caused when the voters at the last election reignited the earlier rule of governance – governance by “we the people” instead of by “we the ruling class.” In the last few years, the nation has once again experienced the ideals of her original forefathers, unsettling the agenda of elitism.

In the earliest days of Israel’s history, the leader Moses laid before the nation a covenant of blessing (a type of constitution) and informed them what would occur if they walked away from the agreement. Near the end of the written arrangement, he declared, “I have set before you life and death…. Choose life….” (Deuteronomy 30:19)

When Israel reached her tipping point, God gave them opportunities to remember their legacy through prophets like Isaiah, Ezekiel, and Jeremiah. They were retold their purpose and challenged to stay true to their reason-for-being. If they were willing, the ability for Israel to turn around was possible. The warnings went unheeded and she tumbled into bondage.

Is this where America finds herself? The presidential candidates and political agendas of the two leading parties could hardly be more different; they are poles apart from one another. The outcome of the upcoming election will reflect what the majority of her citizens embrace, and the nation will end up living under the far-reaching outcomes of the ballot.

Is this the tipping point of just another great nation of the world, or is it a defining moment strengthening her foundation of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?

Everyone believes what they will; they should declare their opinion at the polls, not on the streets. People must find out what the nation now accepts and adheres to so they can better prepare for the opportunities or the consequences that lay ahead. My hope for the United States is for her to still be a nation under God, trusting in him – in other words, for the voters to choose life. We shall see!

Pray for God’s blessing and keep your trust fully in him.

Silent Night Chapel, Frankenmuth, Michigan

MONUMENTS AND FLAG

“And you shall set the two stones on the shoulder pieces of the ephod, as stones of remembrance for the sons of Israel. And Aaron shall bear their names before the LORD on his two shoulders for remembrance [a memorial, NASV] … “So Aaron shall bear the names of the sons of Israel in the breastpiece of judgment on his heart, when he goes into the Holy Place, to bring them to regular remembrance [as a memorial, NASV] before the LORD. (Exodus 28:12, 29 ESV)

The history of the United States includes events best described as “watershed” moments – a difficulty so large it changed the course of a nation; an event when a new paradigm became created; a season when the currents of society flowed one direction and then abruptly altered itself, redesigning community values; a time when a shift took place that completely modified a people’s worldview. This nation had three distinct but interconnected watershed moments.

The first watershed experience occurred in 1776 with the Declaration of Independence – equality was declared. A war erupted, a revolutionary war, contributing to the end of foreign domination. Struggle, heartaches, and sacrifices were made.

A second watershed event happened nearly 100 years later in 1863 with the Emancipation Proclamation – equality was defined. A war was involved, the civil war, contributing to the end of slavery. Struggle, heartaches, and sacrifices were made.

A third watershed occasion happened nearly 100 years later in 1968 with the Civil Rights movement – equality was designed. A war was engaged, the Vietnam war, contributing to sounder justice and more equitable opportunities for everyone. Struggle, heartaches, and sacrifices were made.

No one can fully grasp what life was like before these three distinct watershed moments – when the country was dominated by a foreign power, or when people could enslave others, or when fellow citizens experienced social and economic disparities. Only people living in those eras can place the event in a clear and objective context – having experienced the hopes and fears, the dreams and nightmares, the understandings and misunderstandings, the joy and sorrows that contributed to the social norms. A person had to be there because the mood was vastly different than they are today.

I lived prior to 1968 – before the Civil Rights movement, before the drug culture’s transition from the back alleys to the university campuses (when mind-bending drugs became universally recreational), before the Vietnam war (hated, scorned, and unsupported). I lived at a time when there was paralyzing fear of a worldwide nuclear holocaust and worries about the spread of atheistic communism. How, at that time, did the nation find hope, encouragement, and stability?

The men and women of my generation were raised in homes of World War II veterans, parents who understood living with meager amounts of basic commodities and living sacrificially for the sake of the nation. The country’s president during the ‘50s was a war hero. Patriotism was the norm; respect and honor for leaders and elder statesmen was standard practice.

Students regularly stood beside their school desks giving the pledge of allegiance, led by their teacher. Children were taught the courteous way to address the flag while reciting the pledge or when hearing the national anthem (an attentive posture while placing the right hand over the heart, a sign of fidelity).

Most of this has changed today. Watch what happens at sporting events when the national anthem is played: some spectators and players slouch with indifference, others mindlessly talk to someone near them, and a few show tangible defiance. The mandate today is to disregard reverence and esteem for the tenets of the nation.

Cultural currents have shifted, and the present generation is attempting to navigate the unsettling nature of things without a reliable compass for guidance and direction. The result? They are entering the unknown with fear and chaos, as well as without decorum and dignity.

Throughout the nation’s history, hardships and sacrifices were made to provide everyone with a more just and equitable way of life, regardless of skin pigmentation or ethnicity. Can we not be thankful for the progress that has been accomplished while still looking for ways to improve and refine these efforts? Can we not recognize that attitudes are not transformed without heart-change, necessitating earnest prayer for divine help and significant time for modified behavior? Rome was not built in a day; change does not happen overnight; impatience is the great enemy.

Some fail to understand that lasting results only come through composure and compassion; something William Wilberforce, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and Nelson Mandela understood and advocated. These individuals accomplished just and permanent change through a peaceful resolve. Others have attempted similar outcomes by anarchy and only offended people, impeding and sometimes blocking success. Hate and scorn cannot bring rightful and enduring change.

What helps guide people into lasting solutions? What helps enhance and augment needed reforms? Remembering and appreciating the noble attempts and the earnest efforts of past generations. By valuing their memorials – the monuments and flag.

The memorial

The word “memorial” means “to remember”; it comes from the same word for “memory.”

Exodus states the High Priest wore a “remembrance” (a memorial) before God. His priestly attire included an item called an ephod, which means “covering.” It was a shoulder piece made of precious metal and fine material. Inserted in this covering were two gems and on each stone were the names of six of the twelve tribes of Israel.

Suspended from the shoulder piece was a shield over the heart. On this breastplate were 12 gems. Each stone, uniquely different, represented a tribe of Israel.

Place this religious word-picture in your mind: On his shoulders were the entire nation, and over his heart was each individual tribe. God sees a nation as an entity, yet its people-groups as uniquely special. The High Priest carried Israel as a personal burden and covered each people-group with love. Whenever the High Priest wore his robe of responsibility, he “remembered” a nation blessed by the Lord, and each people-group as a “memorial” distinctly loved by God. Today, that priestly responsibility is given to those who abide in Christ, the royal priesthood of believers. (1 Peter 2:9; Revelation 1:6) We are to carry the burden of this nation, and we are to cover with love every people-group.

The monuments

Israel throughout its history built monuments. Joshua 4 records the Israelites as they were about to enter the Promised Land. The parents witnessed the Red Sea divide; their grown children saw the Jordan River stopped. It was a momentous, monumental occasion. God had once again demonstrated His unlimited power.

Future generations needed to remember what happened at the Jordan River, to remember both the victories and defeats of the nations’ progress. They erected a monument of twelve stones out of the riverbed, an actual “watershed” testimony. Each stone represented a people-group. When future generations passed the monument, parents were to tell stories from the past to their children, both the successes and failures, the pleasant and unpleasant – giving a true and accurate picture of real life, teaching how God helped their ancestors make a nation through struggles, heartaches, and sacrifices.

The memorial helped people to know and appreciate their advancement. They were no longer as they were and were not yet what they were fully meant to be. Yet, by faithfulness to God and to one another, they would continue to broaden righteousness and justice throughout the nation.

The flag

The American flag serves as a memorial. During a veteran’s funeral, the flag is used as a memory. The flag draped over a coffin reminds others of the struggles, heartaches, and sacrifices required for making a better tomorrow.

My father had a flag on his coffin. Years later, after my mother died, my sister and I went through the house collecting family memories. In a box, in a rarely used closet, was a little book about the history of my dad’s military unit, Company C of the 752^nd Army Battalion. The flag on his coffin represented boot camp in the hot summer months of Louisiana, boarding a troopship to cross the Atlantic Ocean on Christmas Eve 1944, and experiencing war in Belgium as a locomotive engineer.

The flag on the coffin of a veteran represents the sufferings and sorrows of war. And flags mounted in front of buildings and displayed at sporting events remind the nation of her inherited freedoms.

The gravestones

I have walked through many graveyards. They are quiet places of memories.

My wife and I have seen the marker of Wild Bill Hickok and Calamity Jane in Deadwood, South Dakota. We have seen the marker of Charles Lindbergh, the famous aviator, in a lonely cemetery on the island of Maui. We have walked through Arlington National Cemetery, seeing the eternal flame at the graves of the Kennedys, and witnessing the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Near Abraham Lincoln’s tomb in Springfield, Illinois is a well-worn bust of the late President. Although the site is not generally disclosed, we have stood at the marker of Al Capone.

We have seen the markers of nice people, legendary people, and mean people. All these memorials have one thing in common: An entire lifespan is brought down to the size of a dash between two dates. Most people will not have a street, a building, or a city named after them. Regardless of fame or obscurity, everyone ends up equal. They are remembered as a dash in time.

In Remembrance

One of my closest childhood friends was killed in Vietnam. I read about his death in the newspaper while home on military leave and went to visit his mother. She told me about his funeral, and I went to the burial place to locate his marker.

The cemetery had rows of white monuments, all the same shape and size. Some had small flags nearby. I walked down several rows until I came to his marker, which indicated his name and showed two dates. I took the time to remember him at his monument.

Fort Lawton Cemetery

His name was Christopher James Gray, better known to his friends as Kippy. We met at school during the 4^th grade. Our favorite game was roleplaying characters from the Old West – we jumped into ravines, rolled in the dirt, and came up shooting the bad guys yelling, “bang.” Sometimes we played Soldiers – charging up hills to attack enemy bunkers and destroying machine-gun nests. Our friendship became solidified by our games.

In Junior High School our antics were more sophisticated (troublesome). These were not the smartest years of our lives.

With High School came girlfriends and dating. We decided one requirement for the girls we dated was the ability to get along with each other. We were not going to let them interfere with our friendship.

Near the end of my junior year at High School, I decided to become a follower of Jesus. Kip and I remained close, but lifestyles gradually became different, causing less time together. After High School, I joined the Air Force and he joined the Army.

In August 1968, we were both home before going overseas. I was a trained Nuclear Missile Technician with orders for Okinawa; he was a qualified Helicopter Machine Gunner with orders for Vietnam. This was our last time together.

We did not keep in contact overseas. I wished we had. We both came back to the States in December 1969. I was seated in the passenger compartment of my flight; he was transported in the baggage compartment of his flight.

Vietnam Memorial Wall, Washington DC

A monument of a person killed in conflict is not just a stone marker, and the flag mounted by a grave is not about a bland ideology. It is a remembrance, representing a life given in sacrifice. It is a memorial to a person whose body pulsated with blood and oscillated with breath, who sensed happiness and pain, who experienced joy and fear. A life that knew love and loneliness, just like you and me.

The dash between two dates on a grave maker represents a body that bleeds when cut and dies when mortally wounded. The dash of someone killed in combat is about an individual who put aside personal ambition and sacrificed their life. When the flag is draped over a coffin, respect and honor are being given to the memory of people whose lives made possible our “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

Show Honor

Each year we set aside various days (Memorial Day, Flag Day, Independence Day, Veterans Day) to remember. We use these times to honor soldiers, marines, sailors, and airmen who had a vision beyond personal comfort, who saw a purpose greater than life itself.

Whether in WWII, Korea, Vietnam, Persian Gulf, or some other war, whether during a skirmish in some unknown conflict at some little-known location, these people gave service to their country. The flag placed over a casket is about ordinary people who did extraordinary service.

What does the US flag mean? Some mistakenly believe the flag simply represents a philosophy of governance. No, the flag is about flesh and blood; we are the flag. When citizens vandalize the flag, they shame themselves – they deface their self-worth and demolish their stance before others.

The ephod worn by the High Priest was not about precious gems and intricately woven materials; it was a memorial of a nation dedicated to God. Similarly, the US flag is not simply a multi-colored fabric representing a sociological-economic system. The nation's flag is about a country “under God”, about people-groups living as one solely by divine grace and mercy, and about each citizen living responsibly with their endowed privileges.

The US flag is about people-groups with enduring freedoms: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” (Declaration of Independence)

The US flag is about a nation of justice, peace, and safety: “We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.” (Preamble of the Constitution)

Final thought

One of Kippy’s last letters to his mother includes these lines: “Death is ever-present. I think now of this subject because after so long one can no longer say, ‘It won’t happen to me’ – for it will if God so decrees.

Kippy just before going to Vietnam

“What am I to write? Do I speak the truth and tell that my young friends die; do I say that I have seen people crack up when bombs burst near them; or do I say that I have heard the sobs of warriors in the middle of the night crying out for help? I could, but who would grasp the meaning of such talk? None but those who have seen and heard and felt the same in this and other wars. Freedom will never come cheap; I only hope there never comes a time men think differently.”

A memorial is not merely a marble monument or a national flag; it represents people who by testing and agony fulfilled God’s purposes and plans. When we respect the flag and give tribute to the monuments, we honor the sacrifices of many, both in the past and the present, who have made or are making life better for the nation.

With a thankful mindset, honor the memorials of the nation – the various monuments, and the nation’s flag. Learn from and be grateful for the struggle, the heartaches, and the sacrifices of the men and women represented by the nation’s commemoratives.

WHAT A CHILD NEEDS IN A DAD

Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. Buy truth, and do not sell it; buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding. The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him. Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice. My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways. (Proverbs 23:22–26 ESV)

On Father’s Day, attention is normally given to the dad. The family is one of the greatest rewards a man can have, yet the child-raising years go by very quickly. In fact, life goes by quickly.

I once read, “Theoreticians estimate that the average person accomplishes only 10 percent of his or her promise. They hear and see only 10 percent of the music and poetry in the universe. They smell only a tenth of the world’s fragrance and tastes only a tenth of the deliciousness of being alive. They are only 10 percent open to their emotions – to tenderness, to wonder and awe. Their mind embraces only a small part of the thoughts, reflections, and understanding of which they are capable. Their heart is only 10 percent alive with love. They will die without ever having really lived and really loved. To me, this is the most frightening of all possibilities. I would really hate to think that you or I might die without having really lived and really loved.”

The family is one of those things that give us a sense of life and love.

Mary, a teenage girl, wrote: “A father is someone who spends time with you and takes you on vacation and talks to you about the world and life in general. A father is someone who has fun with you. A father is loyal. A father is honest. A father is trustworthy. A father is a leader. A father is someone who goes through a lot of pain and sorrow, but he is still a father. A father is not someone who runs away from life. He is there to cope and work things out. A father is not a coward. A father is love.”

Being a dad is not easy. A question worth considering is, in all the complexities of fathering, what are the essentials? What does a child need most from a dad? May I suggest these three essentials.

The essential of time

People occasionally attempt to make a distinction between “quality time” and “quantity time”, a modern-day myth. A pop-culture teaching that came out of the ’70s claimed parents could give their kids moments here and there as long as it was “quality time.” The reality, however, reveals that children do not know the difference between time and quality time. Kids do not make such divisions; they simply value the time they have with their parents. Life is time-consuming and time is the very crucible of fathering. There is no substitute for the wonder of time.

In metropolitan areas, families often live great distances from their employment to buy a new or newer home. Yet to have what is promoted as a new and less costly home requires more travel time to work. Instead of being apart 8 ½ to 9 hours a day, the family is now separated 11 to 12 hours a day. No house is worth large amounts of time away from each other, especially when it comes to having evening meals together.

One study showed there is more happening at family mealtimes than just eating. High School students who interact with their families at dinner are more likely to spend time studying, be employed part-time, and participate in athletics.

Paul Krouse, publisher of Who’s Who Among American High School Students wrote, “A family that eats dinner together is doing a lot more than eating.” Surveys show: 1) Students who never eat dinner together with their families are three times less likely to have a happy and close home life than those who regularly eat dinner with family; 2) High School students who rarely or never eat dinner together with their families are almost four times as likely to have engaged in sex (67%) than those who regularly eat dinner as a family (17%).

How does your use of time match up with your values and priorities? Do this little reflection sometime soon: On the left-side of a page write down all your priorities; on the right-side list your usage of time. If you are an average person, the left side and the right side are in opposite proportion. What most people say they value the most is usually what they commit the least time to.

In a classic book called, When I Relax, I Feel Guilty the author claims that by the age of thirty-five we have only five hundred days left to live. If you live until age seventy, in the next thirty-five years you will have to spend a great deal of time sleeping, working, eating, and traveling. You will also have to tend to personal matters, such as hygiene, and maintaining good health. There will be the odd chores and the myriad of miscellaneous time-stealers that often come in the form of emergencies. After taking care of all the “necessary” things, you will have roughly the equivalent of five hundred days to spend as you wish. In this context, you are a father for a truly short time.

Take time to stop, look, and listen. Stop means time to be a dad. To just hug and hold your family.  Stop to realize what a wonderful mess your home is. Look means to be available, to be close to your kids. See them for who they are amid their dreams, hopes, and frustrations. Listen means to close the gap. The word communication comes from the Latin word “communus” whose root meaning is “having something in common” – common ground, or closing the gap, is found by listening.

Communications Consultants Associated states we spend 80 percent of our waking hours trying to communicate with one another. About 45 percent of communicating time is spent listening.

Schools teach how to write, which we use only 9 percent of the time; how to read, which we use only 10 percent of the time; how to speak, which we use 30 percent of the time. Yet rarely are people taught to be good listeners, something we do 45 percent of the time.

Children want attention more than anything else. This is one reason why many go through various antics; they are trying to get you to stop, look, and listen. Time is an essential part of being a dad.

The essential of consistency

Consistency is sometimes described as “perseverance that is in balance.” We persevere at something we love to do. We persevere at something we deeply care about. In the long run, a dad is someone who hangs in there despite the setbacks.

The key to being consistent is by recognizing the faithfulness of God in your life. No matter how poorly you may think you are as a parent, nobody can do a better job of being you than you can. When you live out your life with faith in God, instead of trying to live out what others expect from you, you will be consistent.

Becoming consistent involves four things: Live for Jesus – Scriptures disclose that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever; you will be consistent when you reflect His image. Pray without ceasing – be in constant communication with the never-changing God. Be led by the Holy Spirit – He is the Helper; daily dependence upon Him brings consistency. Forget yourself – be more concerned about the will of God than your reputation; be more concerned about your family than your prominence.

Consistency is a balanced kind of perseverance. It is a blend of courage and patience in your home. Consistency is being a one-of-a-kind father – it is being real and the best father you can be.

The essential of enthusiasm

Enthusiasm can be elusive. Teenagers, especially in the summer, often say, “I’m bored.” Boredom and apathy have become communicable diseases in society. Dads counter these ills in their children by fathering with enthusiasm.

There is a way for a dad to know if he is ailing from these diseases of boredom and apathy, called, “The Handy-Dandy Excuse List for Dads”. Think about your regular, everyday challenges, responsibilities, and involvements. As you think, check one of the six responses that seem appropriate to fathering: (1) Don’t have time. (2) Don’t have time. (3) Don’t have time. (4) Never trained to do it. (5) Don’t know what to do. (6) I don’t care.

“Don’t have time” was repeated three times because that is the most common excuse given for failing to do what should be done. The truth is that we all do what we really want to do. If we want to make time for something, we can and will.

The most dangerous excuse on the list is the last one, “I don’t care.” If you check “I don’t care” the game is over. Once enthusiasm dissolves, everything else begins to erode and slip away. Indifference stifles all family relationships and boredom soon abounds. If boredom and apathy are setting in, you need to heed the call given to the church at Ephesus: “Repent and go back to what you did at first.” (Revelation 2:5)

Enthusiasm comes from the Greek root “entheos” meaning “God dwells within us.” Real enthusiasm occurs when we have God in us through His Son Jesus. An enthusiastic father is contagious to the whole family.

Final thought

Fathers are not called to always be in complete control of life situations; dads are called to act, to love, and to suffer when necessary. The stakes are high, the wounds can be deep and painful, but the prize is worth it. Elbert Hubbard stated it well: “In the end, God will not look you over for medals, degrees, or diplomas but scars.”

The San Francisco Chronicle had an article entitled, “Businessmen say life’s ‘empty.’” A study of 4,126 male business executives reveals widespread dissatisfaction with the corporate experience. Forty-eight percent of all middle-managers said that despite years spent striving to achieve their professional goals, their lives seemed “empty and meaningless.” Sixty-eight percent of senior-executives said that they had neglected their family lives to pursue professional goals and half said they would spend less time working and more time with their wives and children if they could start over again. The question that men are asking today is: What am I doing all this for? Before, the payoff was security and long-term employment. But corporations do not return loyalty as they used to, and men today are saying they do not see the investment as being worth it.

Dads, are time, consistency, and enthusiasm a part of your parenting? They are the things a child needs in you. These essentials help prevent you from developing an empty feeling as you journey through life.

PEACE

My wife and I are members of a study group that meets weekly to examine Scripture and discuss various faith topics. The gathering is comprised mostly of longtime devoted followers of Jesus, many having served or still serving in vocational ministry. One of the more recent topics gave focus to the covenant between God and his creation.

A covenant is a special agreement comprised of obligations and benefits. It is enacted between two parties wherein one or both make promises to perform or refrain from certain actions.

The divine promise God made with his creation was revealed in stages through various events. (There is only one covenant, yet it is progressively revealed.) This special arrangement was implicitly seen in the Garden of Eden yet became implemented to his fallen creation at the time of Noah. The covenant was further established with Abraham (Genesis 12, 15, 22), defined by Moses (Deuteronomy), and refined in David (2 Samuel 7). The agreement will become fully realized at the return of Jesus Christ, the soon coming King.

The covenant’s structure was one commonly used throughout all civilizations and was familiar to everyone. Like all agreements, the promise between God and mankind began with a preamble, followed by a historical prologue, the stipulations, the blessings, the curses, and the witnesses. It ended with the oaths and the provision for periodic readings. In the Bible, Deuteronomy shows all the characteristics of a covenant.

When confronted by satan in the wilderness, Jesus cited from Deuteronomy. (Matthew 4, Luke 4) Not only was the quotation a rebuttal to the specific temptation but, by coming from this book, the devil was reminded of the covenant that assured his final defeat and doom.

How is Jesus connected to this ancient arrangement? Since salvation today is viewed through the empty tomb, most people instantly connect his association with the covenant by his death, burial, resurrection, and ascension; rightfully so. But how did Jesus connect himself to it to his family, neighbors, friends, and even enemies while here on earth – to those he came to save, to those looking to be rescued from their circumstances and situations?

For Jesus to be the long-awaited deliverer, the covenant-promised people were looking for the “Prophet” promised in Deuteronomy, the “Son of Man” promised in Daniel, and the “Messiah” (Anointed One) promised in Isaiah and Zachariah. This redeemer, described in Scripture in three ways, was the one who would bring forgiveness of sins, would end the exile from God and would bring people into a lasting freedom. The signs of God’s deliverance from exile involved a new Davidic king, a great ingathering of people, a rebuilt temple, a glorious divine presence, and the nations coming to worship God.

Jesus needed to show a clear relationship with the covenant, linking him to the Garden of Eden and the promise of Abraham. The people he had come to rescue had to recognize him as the prophet/priest/king coming from God. The crucifixion, burial, and resurrection had not yet occurred; how does he show his connection to God’s promise? May I suggest to you, with the Beatitudes – described by some as his “Kingdom Manifesto.”

Of the four gospel narrators, two refer to the Beatitudes – Luke and Matthew. They wrote to different audiences for different purposes. They may have recorded two different incidences, or the same incident seen differently. The Beatitudes was probably a recurring teaching, mentioned on many occasions at several locations, heard by numerous witnesses.

Luke was a traveling companion of Paul. His beliefs were rooted in Pauline theology. Paul’s ministry focused on the Greco-Roman world and showed Jesus as the “second Adam” (Romans, 1 Corinthians). His audience was looking for human perfection through wisdom, through philosophy (philos: “love”; Sophia: “wisdom” – “the love of wisdom”). Paul shows that true perfection only happened in the first Adam, the man initially created perfectly. If perfection is the roadway for peace and joy, then becoming associated with the second Adam, the perfect God/man, is the true answer.

Luke wrote his narrative to a Greek friend named Theophilus (Theos: “God”; philos: “love”). This may have been an invitation for all lovers of God to read his gospel narrative. Luke connects Jesus by genealogy to Adam and, like Paul, shows Israel’s Messiah as perfect. The way to wholeness is only accomplished by accepting and abiding in him.

Matthew, however, is writing to the Hebrews and connects Jesus by genealogy to Abraham. The name “Hebrews” is a better portrayal of these people than the name “Jew”. Hebrews means “those who crossed over” – not just crossing over the Red Sea but over into God’s camp, His Kingdom. The title “Jew” was given to those exiled and separated from the land of Judah after the Babylonian conquest. The name brought attention to the shame and pain associated with breaking the covenant and moving into its consequences – removal from God’s presence.

Matthew does not portray Jesus as the second Adam but as the “second Moses”. Matthew’s narrative focuses on five sermons, connecting Jesus to the Torah. The first sermon is referred to as “The Sermon on the Mount” (Matthew 5, 6, 7) – the “Genesis” teaching. Jesus starts the “beginning” sermon with the Beatitudes: “Blessed are the poor in spirit….” (Matthew 5) The liberator brings his audience back to Deuteronomy, the blessings and curses of Mount Gerizim and Mount Ebal. (Chapters 27-28)

When Matthew gives the Beatitudes, he only gives the blessings. The Hebrews had been living under the curses for centuries. Jesus announces that he is the Messiah who is restoring the blessings to those who cross over into God’s kingdom. They are no longer exiled from the Lord.

Matthew presents the covenant curses (“woes”) at the opening of the final sermon, known as “The Olivet Discourse” (Matthew 23, 24, 25) – the “Deuteronomy” teaching. Before foretelling the end-times, he denounces falsehood, shallow religion, pompousness, and predator behavior. Woes are pronounced to those who, by their behavior, show themselves as choosing to remain in exile.

Luke presents the Beatitudes in the actual covenant format, combining blessings with woes. (Luke 6) The Gentile converts were familiar with the Hebrew ways but were not fully engaged in the history, culture, customs, and covenant of Israel. But, by their connection with Israel’s Messiah, the Greco-Roman believer could benefit from the promises given to the Hebrews. By embracing Jesus, they would cross over and place themselves under the only covenant that fully liberates people.

Matthew restores the Hebrews to the blessings; Luke introduces the Gentiles to the promises. Both groups experience newfound freedom and become bound together by a common and single covenant with God.

When it comes to salvation, most of the attention is given to the forgiveness of sins. Why is that important? What is meant by sins being forgiven? Is it just for a warm fuzzy feeling and a clean conscience? No, it ends a person’s exile from God. Jesus is saying, “You’re pardoned, and your exile is done!” Welcome home!

What does exile look like? What identifies an exile experience? When you read about the exilic event in 2 Kings, 2 Chronicles, Daniel, Ezra, Esther, and Nehemiah, it is associated with shame, humiliation, defeat, hate, anger, suffering, fear, turmoil, pain, trouble, agony – things regularly faced by people today. The person (the Prophet, Son of Man, Messiah) the Hebrews were looking for came to the hopeless exiles and announced that their sins were forgiven. The guilt that caused the exile and the torment associated with the exile has ended and been replaced with peace.

I regularly spend time at the Garden Tomb in Jerusalem. Every morning, before the gate is opened for guests, the community members come together for worship, prayer, and Scripture reading, followed with a brief devotional thought. One morning, the Deputy Director had an early appointment and was unable to oversee the gathering. He asked me to lead the session.

In my brief devotional comment, I asked the question, “If you were asked to describe salvation in one word, what word would you use?” The community members expressed words that gave attention to love and forgiveness. But the word used by Jesus and Paul was “peace”, a word communicating the end of exile and estrangement from God.

Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27 ESV)

Paul wrote, “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.” (Colossians 1:15–20 ESV)

Everlasting peace (peace with God, with others, and with ourselves) is what Jesus gives to those who bow at his cross and recognize him as the Peacemaker. In a world still alienated from God, seemingly crazy and messed-up, peace is available by sins being forgiven. The hostility of exile (pain or suffering or shame) is behind you through Jesus the Anointed.

Recognize him as your Lord and come home. Leave your exile, abide in him, and gain the peace only he provides.

[A brief footnote: Currently, in Israel, many orthodox Jews do not believe the exile has ended, which started in 587 BC under Babylon, followed by Persia, Greece, Rome, and then the dispersion. They see the return of Jews to Palestine, occurring in 1948, as accomplished by the efforts of Zionist, not done by the anointed divine deliverer. Today, a Davidic king is not ruling, the temple is not built, and the nations are not rushing to Jerusalem to worship God. Consequently, modern Israel is not a fulfillment of biblical prophecy, though it may be one step closer to the outcome. They have yet to recognize Jesus as the Davidic king, or his followers as the Temple in which the Spirit dwells, or the nations gathering to worship God by their proclaiming the message of salvation. Pray for them to gain a clear revelation from Scripture of Jesus the Anointed so they, like you, can gain their release and find freedom from their exile.]